001

[theredredkrovvy]

The last true veshch your humble narrator can remember, I was intending to snuff it. Those grahzny bratchnies, that sodding writer veck and his foul malenky droogs, they like played that music to make me do it. I jumped from that okno on my oddy knocky with the shoom of the stracky orchestra in my ears and the feeling of wanting to be sick all through my brooko...

But after that, bratties, I think I dreamed. These doctor vecks standing over my gulliver and all around my plott stood these devotchkas with these like masks covering their rots and their zoobies. And I could slooshy like chumbled golosses that made no sense, and there was this like von of vinegar and soap. Then I was feeling very fagged and fashed by that time and there were these like pains in my gulliver and my keeshka and my rot tasted of the red. After that it got very dark as if it were the nochy, O my little brothers and I dreamed no more.

If I had expected to wake at all, I would have thought I’d wake to a vredded plott and a bolshy great headache, in the old hospital, but I'm feeling right as right, my brothers. And all my lovely old things are here. Perhaps I did snuff it after all… But where then are Bog and all his holy angels and saints? He’d want to viddy my descent to Hell with his own two glazzballs, of that I am sure...

But, if this is not Hell, where then is it that I shall now be laying my gulliver down? My new domy, as it were?

Comments

[tehpeoplespoet.livejournal.com]

Ha! What is this, your attempt at Shakespearean English?

Pathetic!

[theredredkrovvy.livejournal.com]

Shakespearean, brother? Long-dead like writer vecks? No, this is nadsat. The young lewdies govoreet like this all the raz...

How comes it thou don't know this, brother sir?

1/2

[tehpeoplespoet.livejournal.com]

2/2

[tehpeoplespoet.livejournal.com]

...I have absolutely no idea what you're saying to me! What are you, some sort of retarded spazz? I didn't think people with such extreme language impairments could write, but you must be the brightest of the bunch, eh, matey?

Well, newsflash- you've still got some work to do before you can engage in any meaningful conversations! Ha!

Oh Rick, he's going to hurt you sometime...

[theredredkrovvy.livejournal.com]

I don't deserve these grahzny slovos, o my brother. I never did you no harm, did I?

Ah, but Rick just keeps on going... :P

[tehpeoplespoet.livejournal.com]

"Grahzny slovos"? Is this some nasty slang term for Russians? Because I'll have you know, there's some good things have come from that country! Leninist Ideology, for one! But I can see from you last sentence you are capable of semi-coherent writing! Bravo, right on, and so forth! Really, why didn't you just write nicely to begin with? Or were you just seeking attention? Because that's a pretty pathetic way of getting it, matey!

That's why we love him!

[theredredkrovvy.livejournal.com]

You want my like gentleman's goloss, then? You wish me to write as you do? Very well, my brother, I'll write your way...

Tell me kindly, brother sir, what this place is. My room and my like things are here but outside my very door it like smots all different.

Who'dve thought Rick would ever give a Barge Tutorial to someone...

[tehpeoplespoet.livejournal.com]

Ha! This place? This place is a fascist-controlled prison ship where corrupt wardens frequently restrict the civil liberties of its passengers, even those not guilty of any wrongdoing! I, for example, am only here because of a bureaucratic mix-up! It should have been dealt with weeks ago, yet here I still am, a victim to the total and utter mistreatment at the hands of the Nazis who run this place! It's incredible, I had no idea such despicable places as this barge existed before I somehow found my way onboard- and let me tell you, matey; the minute I can get off, I'm filing a lawsuit demanding a hefty payout for all I've had to endure here! Right on!

Case and point, this place is evil and awful! And now you're stick here on it with the rest of us!

Strikes kinda readable

[theredredkrovvy.livejournal.com]

A prison with wardens just like them that were in my old staja, foul malenky chassos. Welly welly well... From one staja to the next. But did I not serve my time and endure more besides? What more must poor Alex endure?

... I've got my own veshches here, at least, that is, everything but my britva and my pretty polly.

So. You're a plenny, are you? That is, a prisoner, brother sir. What's your eem- that is, your name, brother?

[tehpeoplespoet.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure I caught all that- have you been here before? God, you'd have to be pretty bloody awful (or terribly unlucky) to have been sent to this ship more than once!

And my name's Rick. I don't see why you have to keep writing gibberish and then translating it for me. Can't you just write proper English?

[theredredkrovvy.livejournal.com]

Not here, I was plennied in another staja. My oozhassny luck was brought about by them that called themselves my droogs... My friends, rather.

No self-respecting malchick govoreets the way you do A pleasure to make your aquaintance, I'm sure, brother sir.

Rick tries so hard to seem cool and exciting...

[tehpeoplespoet.livejournal.com]

...right.

I suppose it's a pleasure to meet you, too. You're a bit of a potty fellow, though, aren't you? Writing gibberish here and there, and then clearing it up with real words? Do you find that amusing? I can't seem to make sense of any of it!

But that's okay, I'm pretty nutty myself. In fact, one time, I was reading a book and something really incredible happened and I exclaimed "Would you look at that!" even though I knew no one else was around! I mean, really, who was I talking to? Nobody! Isn't that totally nutty? I must seem pretty strange to you! Ha!

...goodness, look at the sarcasm he gets back. Bad manners, Alex.

[theredredkrovvy.livejournal.com]

Appy polly loggies, brother. Just writing as my like upbringing hath taught me to.

... That certainly does sound bezoomny, fillying about like that with not a soul around.